E1

There it was again. This time E heard it clearly. Sitting up in bed she turned head and sat still, hardly breathing, in order hear it again. Seconds ticked by, the hand on the clock loud in the silent room. Outside the wind whipped around, muffled by the window panes. She was almost ready to dismiss the noise like she had five or six times in the last half hour; alone the house it was easy to believe she was hearing things, if only for her sanity. Just as she started to lay back down, she heard it, in a brief calming of the wind, a sound that sent shivers down her spine. A low growl or whine, so obviously not the wind. There was no way she could ignore it which meant she would not be getting any sleep until she determined exactly what had made the sound.

Pulling on her robe she kept at the end of her bed she crept to her bedroom door and then paused to listen. The silence of the house screamed in her ears making her feel jumpy. She knew all the doors and windows were locked and that she should be safe inside but being alone made her question her resolve. She went over her nightly routine in her head, trying to determine if she had indeed locked all could be entrances or simply imagined it. She had been distracted as she shut the house up for the night. At six months, the baby enjoyed somersaulting around in her stomach, especially in the evenings. The nightly kicks and jabs often distracted her so that the most she could do was close her eyes and wait until the baby calmed down. Most night it was three or four bursts of activity usually no more than a few minutes long. 
That night the baby had been more forceful and by the end of the session she was breathless. But other than that the night had been routine. After she finished putting away the dinner dishes, a much shorter job when alone, she turned off all but the light above the stove. She had a habit of locking the door behind her whenever she came home but she always checked to make sure both the front and back door were secure before heading upstairs. 
Shaking her head a little, she told herself all was secured and safe in the house and moved forward into the hall.
The house was less than a year old which accounted for the lack of creaking floorboards as she eased along the hall and down the stairs. She gripped the railing as she went, knowing the big baby belly threw her balance off. She sighed as her hand slid along the dark polished wood, remembering a day a little more than a year ago when He had surprised her with the staircase she had always pictured in the house she had pictured them in. The sensation of His hands over her eyes, the laughter as she stumbled over the threshold, she saw and felt it clearly. The moment when he finally took his hands away and she opened her eyes. Seeing only him, his excitement in his surprise for her, his eyes shined and he smiled her favorite smile. The smile he wore the day they first met; the smile that always left her weak and breathless. She remembered that treasured moment for him and how he was, how they were. The memory was not about the perfect house that they both had loved. Often happy thoughts ended with sadness when she realized there wouldn't be more with Him. However she was determined to focus on happy memories for the baby's sake as well as her own. There would be no new memories of Him. When once almost all new memories would feature the two of them together, now she lived knowing the old memories was all she would ever have.
At the bottom of the curved stairs was the front door and even in the dim light trickling down from her bedroom she could see it was still locked and just as she left it a couple hours before.
To her right was the living room, the heavy drapes over the large windows were still closed and all looked as it should be. She took a step into the living room anyways and paused to listen. Almost immediately she heard the sound again, much louder now and she whipped around instinctually, knowing now it was coming from the direction of the kitchen. 
More cautious, one hand brushing the wall as she walked toward the archway that led to the kitchen. As she got closer she squinted trying to see if the back door was still secure before venturing in. Only a few feet from the archway she stopped and felt instant cold all over. She had left the light on but the kitchen was darkness itself. She tried to rationalize the darkness with reassurances such as she had forgotten to turn it on or the bulb had burned out. But even as she repeated them over and over, dread filled her. She was alone, miles from any neighbor, and there were noises radiating from her kitchen from an unknown source. She was scared.

But she was also not the same woman who had first come to live here. The first few months were full of new sounds, which is normal in a new house in a new town and He always was her knight in shining armor, happy to check each time. Now if she wanted to be reassured, she had to check. So here she was, checking a noise that would of course be like all the rest. Something harmless and obvious that was only scary in the not knowing. These thoughts did nothing to reassure her as she stood frozen in the dark.
She drew in a deep breath and straightened her shoulders, she would walk in now or she never would. If the something making the noise decided to cry out again before she got into the kitchen, she knew she would run as fast as she could the other direction, never to know, never to sleep peacefully again.

She forced her feet to move forward, one step, then two and sooner than she wished she was in the archway, peering across the space at the backdoor. Which to her surprised, because she had since convinced herself that an axe murdered was lurking somewhere within, was closed and locked as she had left it. She blew out the breath she was holding and took another step into the kitchen. She heard nor saw anything out of the ordinary so she turned to her left and switched on the overhead lights.
The lights revealed an empty kitchen and she shook her head, a little embarrassed at her overreaction. E moved to the stove and duck her head to look at the bulb. There was no bulb. She stared in confusion at the empty socket. It didn't make sense, she was absolutely sure there was a light bulb the night before but she had no recollection of removing it. She stood straight trying to find a logical reason the bulb was missing when she hadn't touched it and there hadn't been another person in the house for more than two months. 
As she turned to face the rest of the kitchen, there was a creak. She froze, knowing each sound of the house after spending many sleepless nights listening. It sounded like the basement door, which was a relatively new sound only a few weeks old and had yet to fix. It also only creaked when opened or closed.
She took the four steps, ready to step through the arch, when she collided with a very solid and very human object, to which she promptly bounced off in her momentum. Before she could hit the floor strong hands reached out to catch her. She brought her eyes up and stared as her eyes adjusted to the dim light. Her eyes widened and she stopped breathing as she stared into the greenest eyes she'd ever seen. His hand came up to touch her temple, it was almost a caress and then all was 
darkness.

E woke up quickly, her eyes open wide. It took her a few seconds to process as she stared at the ceiling. She was confused momentarily at the smooth white expanse above her. Didn't her bedroom have swirls on the ceiling? She caught a glimpse of bookshelves out the corner of her eye and she turned to look at the floor to ceiling shelves that flanked the living room's fireplace. E realized that she must have fallen asleep on the couch; it was rare that this happened but what other explanation was there to her waking up downstairs.
She sat up and found the clock on the wall behind her, 2:03. What had woken up, she wondered. Since the baby, she slept soundly through the night. She stood up and was instantly dizzy; she braced herself on the arm of the couch and waited for brilliant green swirls faded. Green? Why was she seeing green, the other times she had been dizzy, her vision just blurred around the edges. This was bright green and it was all she could see for a few moments until it faded. Very weird she thought. 
Shrugging off what she decided was just a weird night, she headed for her bed. But then she remembered why she was out of bed. The noise downstairs, she just had to investigate, and she recalled being in the kitchen and then nothing. Until she woke up on the couch. It seemed unlikely that she had dreamed it all, but dreaming after falling asleep on the couch did seem the only explanation. Feeling a bit drained from the lateness and the coldness from the floor seeping through her socks, she gave up thinking in exchange for sleep.

The blankets warmed up around her and E closed her eyes in the bliss of a warm and comfortable bed on a cold night. Sleep found her quickly and she dreamed dreams she wouldn't remember upon waking. Dreams of green eyes.

Sunlight was seeping around the edges of her bedroom curtains when she finally opened her eyes. The clock on her nightstand told her it was 830, a bit later than her usual 6 am wake up. But she felt rested and full of energy so she decided her body had needed the extra sleep. She rolled out of bed, tying her favorite robe, fuzzy blue with penguins on it, headed for the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, instead of turning on the lights, she pushed aside the curtains covering the window over the sink as well as the slider door. She loved natural light, preferring to open the curtains over flipping light switch. Eyes adjusting the the brightness E saw it had snowed sometime in the night. She smiled. She loved the snow. She loved to watch it swirling down around her to catch in her hair or falling shimmering and sparkling as she sat warm by a fire. It was fresh and undisturbed, brand new and pristine, a winter wonderland just for her.
She knew once she got outside she wouldn't want to come back in to eat. So she pushed the button the the coffee maker, set to go the night before with her favorite decaf breakfast blend and popped two pieces of bread in the toaster. She grabbed homemade jam from the fridge, smiling as she remembered the days picking berries and the day they had spent canning the jams. Every weekend in September they had picked berries, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries and strawberries and then frozen them in preparation for making jams. They had found the farm just down the road only about a mile and each picking day they were out of the house early. The sun low in the sky, a slight chill still in the air encouraged closeness as they walked. His arm over her shoulders and hers around his waist, it was idyllic. By the time they reached the fields, baskets in hand, they had both warmed up. They walked down the rows of bushes five feet tall, each picking a different side, occasionally switching. As the walked and picked, they talked. They talked about how delicious the berries were and how much fun it was. They talked about other things that needed to get done that day. They talked about making it a tradition to go berry picking every year and eventually bring their children too. But that wouldn't happen now that he was gone. Sure she could and would bring this baby to the farm, but it wouldn't be the same without him. 
The toast popped up startling her out of her reverie. She placed the toast on a plate and grabbed a knife from the drawer and her favorite green mug that fit her hands perfectly. She spread jam on her toast and put a little sugar in her coffee then climbed into on of the stools at the counter to eat. Taking a bite of toast she pulled one of the books she was reading towards her. She usually left the books in the room she read them in. This particular book, a baby book detailing what happened each month for a baby and mother, she had been reading the last few mornings as she ate breakfast. She was also in the middle of a romance novel, that she liked to read in her comfy chair by the fire and a science fiction novel about aliens that she kept in her purse. As long as she read different authors and genres she wouldn't get the stories mixed up. The way she read books, a few at a time, and up to 80 in a year, always made sense to her but not to other people. She didn't know a lot of people who inhaled books like she did. So trying to get someone who maybe read one or two books in a year to understand her passion and love of books, was difficult. She only knew two people who understood her relationship with books. Her sister and Him. 
When they first started dating ten years early she was just starting her senior year of high school and he had just graduated a different high school. At the end of their first date, they sat holding hands in an empty movie theater and he had leaned over, kissed her gently and that was it. She was gone, completely in love, they hadn't known each other long but she felt the rightness of him with every cell in her body. At the end of their fourth date she had shown him her childhood bedroom. He had walked in and laughed. Unable to afford more than two bookshelves, books were two deep and stacked two high on the shelves as well as any flat surface including the floor. E had stood back in the doorway giving him space to take it in or run out the door. She had held her breath hoping he wouldn't mind her craziness. She had told him on their first date, that she liked to read, would her minimization of her obsession scare him off? But then he had turned around and was smiling that smile and laughing that laugh. "You like to read, huh?" He had hugged her then and She had felt accepted and loved. They had never looked back.
Her sister, T, was like her and understood completely, inhaling books at a similar rate. They had often recommended each other books or exchanged for ones missing from either collection. It was nice to have someone understand and talk about the book each had read. In the last couple years it had been less and less though. T had been offered and accepted a great job teaching math at one of the top high schools in the state and had less time for reading novels. As happy as She was for T to have her dream job, She missed her a lot. And when He and E moved here, they were even farther away. A four hour drive was difficult to fit in while working a full time job and grading papers, so She had only seen her sister twice in the last year. Once when they said good bye to Him and the other two months ago to check up on her. T worried about her, living alone in such a big house, secluded and pregnant. T had tried to convince E to stay at her apartment so she wouldn't be alone. She had politely refused, she would hold on to this house and its memories as long as she could.

E washed the couple of dirty dishes she had made then went up to her room. She pushed the dark green curtains open and then smoothed up the quilts on the bed. Across the room, she went through the french doors into the walk in closet. Big enough to be a small bedroom, the closet was divided in half: His and hers. Designing the closet, had been fun. They were able to put exactly what types of storage they knew their wardrobe would use. This closet was much more efficient than any of the closets they had had in the apartments they had rented where the most you got was a rod and a couple shelves. This closet had double rows, one over the other, of hanging rods on each side. The rods were bisected with drawers that went from the floor to the ceiling. Against the far wall, opposite the doors was a vanity with a bench seat. Anchored in the wall was an enormous mirror, big enough so that she could stand back and see an entire outfit if she wanted. One of her favorite parts of the closet was the tiles around the edge of the mirror. The tiles were light blue-green squares with slightly rounded corners. She had found them at a yard sale a couple days before moving in. She had turned around to show him at the same time he had turned to show her a bolt of fabric; it was the exactly same shade of green. She had spent the next afternoon sewing curtains, the bolt of fabric had been the perfect amount for the living room and bedroom curtains. The tiles they had glued onto the mirror together a few days after moving in. 
Resisting glancing at the right half of the closet, she grabbed jeans and a dark green sweater from her drawers and pulled them on. She ran her brush through her hair, looking in the mirror. She thought she looked bigger today, some days didn't look different from the last but others seemed drastic, though she knew it was gradual. She had seen her doctor a few days before and all was progressing as it should. She put the brush down and turned sideways. Her breasts were bigger but it was less noticeable in contrast to the giant belly below. She ran her hand over her stomach, smoothing the sweater over the rounded contours. She felt a small tremor and smiled; the baby was awake. Much less active in the morning, the baby settled quickly and E pulled on a pair of thick wool socks in preparation for her expedition outdoors.
Downstair she lost no time, grabbing her snow boots, jacket, hat, scarf and gloves, from the front hall and went to sit at the kitchen table to put it all on. All layered up she tucked her house keys and phone in the inside jacket pocket and headed out the slider door.
The air was cold, a stark contrast to the kitchen, but welcome in its freshness. She walked off the deck, her feet crunching in the snow at the bottom of the stairs. Closing her eyes she raised her face to the sun, absorbing what heat it gave. She opened her eyes and turned back around. Her deck was clear of snow. It had snowed at least five inches but the deck was only slightly damp, already drying in the sun. Someone had shoveled her deck. She walked through the gate to the front of the house. Front steps were shoveled. Her car had been cleared. And the walk way between the steps and her car as well. Who had shoveled and when? She was sure she would have heard some outside even in her bedroom. Could she have slept through it? And who would shovel her house in the middle of the night. Then she remembered the noise from last night. The one she had decided was a dream when she found herself on the couch. Could the noise have been someone shoveling? Maybe she had heard it as she slept on the couch and her dreaming brain had adapted her dreams around the sound. It was plausible she thought but the main question was: who? Her closest neighbors were a mile or so down the road, one a family with two young children and a father who traveled for work and the other an elderly couple who had both retired years ago and seldom left the house. Neither seemed likely as the shoveling culprit. Most of her family and his family lived a couple states away and were not likely here for a visit in the middle of the night. Her sister was closest, but still two hours away. Though T was the most likely as she was closest, E wasn't convinced, it just didn't make any sense. She would more reasonably believe she had shoveled it in her sleep or that there was a shoveling angel, going house to house anonymously. She sighed, she had no explanation for this bizarre, yet helpful, turn of events. She liked to shovel but not with extra baby weight so a shoveling angel was just what she needed.
Deciding not to ruin the day with wondering that would get her know where, she walked back to the back yard and through the gate at the far end of the yard. About fifteen feet after the gate the trees began, the branching blocking some of the sun. Confident she could follow her footprints back, she just walked. Snow shimmered everywhere she looked, bright sparkles interspersed with the brown stripes of the tree branches. It was beautiful. Quiet and serene, she felt alone, the last moving being in this world of glass. She came to a small hollow, about ten feet across, the clearing was pristine, untouched. She walked slowly to the center and lay down. The sun was almost directly over head, a bright orb surrounded by a circle branches. Her eyes were full of sun and sky, bright and demanding. Her nose was full of clean crisp air, snow with the hint of evergreens. Her ears filled with silence that wasn't, a quiet calmness at the same time loud and harsh. Every inch of her could feel the cold, seeping through the layers, a reminder to get up. Reminder she didn't belong in this frozen world, she could only visit.

Her sigh was loud in the air around her as she sat up. She had created a snow angel that had no wings. She moved to stand up but dropped back down, her belly unbalancing her. She tried again and lay back down laughing at herself. She still forgot sometimes how hard it was to get up. She lay a minute more catching her breath to try again, when a shadow fell over her. Blinking up she saw a person in shadow, the sun directly behind their head. 

"Need some help?"it was deep voice, definitely male.
I hesitated, staring up at him, trying to make out any features. With the sun behind him, I couldn't see much but I thought that maybe he was smiling. I realized he was holding out his hand and making up my mind, i reached up to grab it. As soon as our hands touched he started pulling me upward, his other hand reaching out to touch my shoulder. He let me get steady on my feet before releasing my hand and taking a step back. Right side up once more I could see him clearly. My first thought was gorgeous. He was tall with dark brown hair, that had a slight wave to it, a handsome face, it was narrow which suited his frame. His smile was warm and inviting making me feel at ease immediately though I had never met him before . He was thin but not in an underweight scrawny way, but thin in a way that seemed to suit him. Long arms with muscles clearly defined and visible since he was only wearing a thin sweater. I realized he had been patiently waiting for her to speak while her eyes had evaluated him. I felt heat rise in my cheeks and hoped the cold from the day would cover it up. 
"Thank you" I said, my voice cracking a bit, making me realize it had been a few days since I had last spoken out loud. Not since my doctors appointment four days ago. She frowned, that wasn't good, four days was too long. She vowed to do better, it was too easy to lose herself alone, maybe she could find a coffee shop near by to work from. Even one day a week would guarantee a little human interaction.
I had done it again, distracted by my thoughts. But there he was still staring at her in that unobtrusive way that said 'it's okay take your time, I'll be right here'.

"I apologize. My brain has been easily distracted lately. Thank you for helping me up. This belly is difficult to maneuver sometimes. And I probably shouldn't have lain down anyways, I know how hard it is to get off the couch, let alone another foot further down. Thanks." Starting out normal, my babbling grew until I was finally able to stop. He was still staring, now with a half smile that quirked up one side of his mouth. That smile was making my stomach do flip flops, it was so similar to His smile, all she could was stare. 
"It was nothing," he said, still smiling, now his eyes had joined in. His eyes were warm and laughing, like he knew something I didn't, and green, the deepest green I had ever seen. Bright and dark and endless. I was lost looking at them, they seemed draw me in and hold me. So green. I shook my head to clear it, glancing away from him, from his eyes. I felt shaken from just looking into a man's eyes, what was wrong we me?
"Alright?'" He spoke his tone low and cautious. His smile was gone from his face replaced with a look of concern and what I thought looked like fear.
"Yes, of course," I said, getting a hold of myself now, "just dizzy from standing up so quickly." It was a lie but there was no way I would admit to getting lost in this strangers eyes, especially to him.
He still seemed unsure, less confident now, he took a half step toward me, his hand out. 
"Can I help you home," he asked.
"No, no. I am perfectly fine. Thank you for your help, I would have been there all day," i said, hoping to lighten the mood, that seemed tense for some reason.
"Really, let me walk you home, please? I don't mind. Your just back that way?" He gestured behind me, where my line of footprints stretched.
I was cautious, now he would know where I lived. Not that it would be hard for him to find it on his own if he wanted, I just wasn't so sure about walking up to the door with him.

"Just to your yard then, I wouldn't be able to stop worrying if I left you on your own out here. Anything could happen, what if you slipped and fell or lay down again and couldn't get up," this was said in all seriousness until the very end where both our mouths smiled slightly at the reminder, "I promise you no harm. On my honor," he spoke softly now, a whisper but his last three words were a stab in my heart. He had spoke those words to me over the years from our first date when he assured me we would take it slow, to the day I had told him I was pregnant.
I had been worried, anxious to tell him. We hadn't planned to have a baby for a few more years. We needed to get the house in order, still in the process of moving in and put more in our savings, since most of it had already been spent on the house. It was important to both him and me to do things at the right time. Neither of us good at winging it, some semblance of a plan was needed for any major life changes. Knowing this I had been nervous to tell him about the baby. I had cleaned the house and put on my green dress, his favorite. I made his favorite dinner, chicken parmesan and lit candles around the dining room. And then he had come in the door and seen my surprise and he had smiled that smile. That was it, I stopped worrying and knew it would be okay as long as he was by my side. We had eaten and talked like we did every other night. At the end I brought in the dessert I had made and placed the plate in front of him; two cupcakes, one with pink frosting and one with blue frosting, a question mark on the plate written in frosting. He stared at them a few seconds before realization of what I was telling him dawned. He had turned to me then, smothering me in a hug, smiling and laughing. 
"Pregnant? We are really having a baby?!" He asked, pulling back to look at my face. I nodded and he hugged me tighter.
"You're happy? Not upset that it is sooner than planned?" I asked. He pulled back again with an incredulous expression, looking into my eyes,
"Happy? You crazy woman, I've never been happier! On my honor! Though the first time we met and our wedding day are close seconds."
I sighed audibly with relief at his promise, knowing we could conquer anything as long as we were together.
The mysterious man was still looking at me, waiting for an answer, unaware what his words did to me. 
"Please?" He asked, stepping a bit closer. No doubt worried I would collapse at any moment.
I looked at his face, into his eyes, and saw only concern.
Making up my mind I said, "Alright, just to my yard...thank you."
He smiled then and moved to my side, holding out his arm as smoothly as any old fashioned gentleman. I laughed a little at it but put my hand in to crook of his elbow nevertheless.
"What's so funny?" He asked as we stepped forward together.
"You offering your arm." I explained, still smiling, "Very out of place nowadays, especially in the middle of the woods. More common in the historical fiction books I read, where gentleman in top hats strolled through manicured gardens with ladies in complicated dresses on their arms."
He smiled too, "I am of the opinion that the world would be better off if some of those old fashion ideas came back into practice. Some, not all. I'd keep the rights and laws we have today that have been fought so hard for but i think encouraging more honor and consideration for our fellow man would make the world a better place."
"I completely agree" I said, surprised and glad at his forthrightness. "I often read things in books that I wish could combine with present day. To be able to have the scientific advances we have now as well as the honor and loyalty of the highland Scots would be great!" I added, encouraged by his openness to express my own views that most would laugh at. 
"Scots huh?" He said chuckling.
I blushed a little, "Some of my favorite books are about the Highlands. So that was first time period to come to mind."
"I see."
I turned to look at him to find him smiling down at me. He smiled with his whole face, his mouth slightly crooked, a shadow of a dimple in his left cheek, laugh lines around his eyes and green eyes that seemed to sparkle. A smile started on my own face without any conscious thought. And then we were standing still in the middle of the snow covered woods, bodies turned slighted towards each other, my hand still in his elbow, now covered with his other hand. A hand that seemed to be radiating heat into my always cold hands. A bird called loudly somewhere behind us, breaking whatever hold had held us. We both laughed a little and started walking again. As we moved forward over the footprints I had made on my way into the woods, there was a quiet. We walked in a now comfortable silence, hearing the crunch of our steps in the snow. 
It should be weird to be alone in the woods with a stranger, but after my initial hesitation, it didn't feel weird. The weird part was that it almost felt normal, that walking with this man was not unusual. 
"I don't even know your name?" I said suddenly, as soon as I realized.
"I don't know yours either" he said with a smile.
"Emelia." I said with an answering smile on my face.
"Jamie. Nice to meet you, Emilia" he said. And was like a caress hearing my name on his lips. Like I had been waiting an eternity to hear it. That was weird. I have to get a hold of myself. I should not be reacting this way to a total stranger. Maybe it was the babies hormones causing her to act like this. Yes, that must be it. Just hormones, it wasn't Jamie himself causing this reaction, she would be doing the same no matter who had rescued her from the snowy forest floor.
"Everything okay?" He asked and I realized I had been quiet too long.
"Yes, yes. Of course, " I reassured, "I get distracted quite easily the few months, your name reminded me of a book and a book always distracts me" i explained. Though it was a bit of a lie since I had really been chiding myself for my inappropriate reaction to him; it was also very common occurrence so I didn't feel too bad.
"Books are important to you, a big part of you." He said this as a statement of fact, there was no question at the end.
"Am I that obvious?" I laughed a little. "I love to read books, collect books, sometimes just look at books. The majority of the time I would rather be reading than anything else"
"That is wonderful, its rare to find someone with a love of books like yours. Too many people have fallen to television, video games or magazines. They miss out on the greatness of getting immersed in a story. I admire you for that love. I often wish I had more time to read, never more than when you talk about books. You inspire me."
My blush this time must have color my cheeks a deep red, I hoped the cold had covered some of it up.
"You seem to appreciate books and their importance which may be considered more important than actually reading them. I am sure when you do have time, you will find yourself with a book in your hand"
He smiled "Thank you, that makes me feel a bit better. I definitely felt to be slacking on my reading."
I inclined my head and smiled then turned my head forward, realizing we were only a minute or two from our destination. Talking with Jamie had made the walk fly by quickly. Realizing that we would be parting in a few moments I felt sad. Sadder than I should have for having just met him. He must have seen the gate as well for he slowed his steps, maybe hoping to delay the inevitable?
For some unthinkable reason, that thought made me a bit giddy. Was he feeling a connection too. As much as I try to deny it, i feel comfortable with this man I barely know, like I've known him years instead of less than an hour. Did he feel that too? It made no sense that I felt anything, even less that he was too. But by this point we were barely moving forward, our steps both slowing until we came to a stop, ten feet from my garden gate. 
Hoping to prolong our contact, I said, "thank you for walking me home. I appreciated the company as much as the assurance that if I felt like laying down again, I would have a way back up" I ended with a smile. He was smiling too, "Of course, anytime." He spoke and I could hear and feel the feeling behind the words. He meant it. Anytime. I shivered, I liked what he said and how he said it. They stood there facing each other, my hand now in his instead of in the bend of his elbow. I looked down at our hands, at the same time realizing that I was holding his hand. How did that happen? It felt good, wonderfully nice after what felt like such a long time. 
"Is this okay?" He asked, indicating our hands with a gentle squeeze.
"I'm not sure" I said honestly. I had no idea how I felt about it or the fact that we had literally just met. It was weird and strange but I did know that I didn't want to stop holding his hand. Which scared me more than anything, enough that I stepped back and released his hand. He let me go, only a trace of sadness in his eye before he nodded.
"I understand. I have very much missed this."I must have looked confused because he continued hurriedly, "It has been a long time since I was able to hold hands with someone, my wife and I were...separated and I have wished to feel that connection again since then." He looked so forlorn, devastated, that tears formed in my eyes, his words so close to what I felt every day since His accident.

Noise

The noise was piercing, sending shivers right up her spine where it settled at the base of her neck. Every high pitched syllable sent throbbing tremors into her brain, causing any and all other thoughts to wither and die. The screeches were interspersed with bangs and thuds so loud to make her wince each time. The chaos around her crawled deeper into her person with each inane sound, until she wished for silence above all else in the world. Patience had long left her, and every cell in her body was screaming for quiet even just a second would be enough. After a lifetime of resisting any input, she gave in and somehow managed to speak with a calm and controlled voice,
"Alright." She spoke clearly and a bit loudly to be heard over the din. Two heads swiveled in her direction for a second before returning to their play.
"Guys? It's time it calm down a bit, much too loud," she said making sure she had their attention, "Can we mellow out now? How about a quieter game?," she suggested. The two boys looked at her and finally the eldest, P, suggested his favorite: coloring.
The younger boy, F, took more convincing to give up his favorite activity: chaos in any form. A few minutes of cajoling and 15 minutes of toy clean up resulted in the three at the dining table, each with a coloring book and some markers.

Red

Red. Dark and deep, a few shades off of black in the shadowed room. Red overwhelmed my vision as my eyes adjusted to the dim light. Red was everywhere, even the ceiling, I realized  as I realized that was what I was looking at. I was laying on my back, staring at a poorly painted ceiling. Trying to sit up I encountered resistance. With an extra push I managed to sit up and found the red continued over me. My pants and  shirt were dark red, sticky and stiff. I was stuck to the floor. Looking around confirmed that the entire room was painted, so thoroughly I'd be hard pressed to guess original colors. 

A wave of dizziness rolled over me as I tried to stand, I grabbed the edge of the bed waiting for the spots to clear from my eyes. 

Grimacing, I pulled my hand away from the blanket, now dripping red paint. No not paint, I thought, blood.

The smell was what decided it, what had cleared my foggy mind enough to realize that the room was not covered in paint. I was not covered in paint. I was covered in blood. The coppery sweet odor became strong in that discovery, overwhelming and demanding. My stomach churned and I clamped my hand over my mouth and nose. Remembering too late my hand was drenched and dripping blood, it now covered the lower half of my face. I lost the battle with my stomach and fell to my knees as I emptied my stomach.

Out There6

The open room they all sat in was normally a recreation room. Large enough to bike around, basketball, baseball or most any other activity. There was even a rock climbing wall spanning a third of the wall, opposite the door. Today it was crowded with almost every one on the station, almost five thousand people, crammed into half an acre.  It was a circular room about 160 feet across, a small platform had been set up in the center and all were turned to it. 

The leaders, sat upon three chairs on the platform, awaiting the last stragglers to arrive. The air was filled with the buzz of so many people speaking. Amelia stood close to the platform with the other people graduating into full adults. There was 21 other students who had turned 20 into the last six months and would now start jobs as well. Her grandmother stood beside Amelia's group, with the other council members. 

 The leaders made the decisions but there was nine members of the council, three for each section of the station. Their job was to handle day to day decisions within their sections and bring anything more serious to the council whole and leaders. Her grandmother had been a part of the council from the very beginning, almost 20 years. 

Deciding to begin, Alfred Tao, the newest leader of the last seven years, stood up, raised a hand for silence and waited. Tao was the youngest leader, with short black hair and lean body from years of training, he was a sharp contrast to the two he sat beside. He had been accepted seven years ago after his father died of old age at 92. Jin Tao had taught his son from an early age, hoping he would take his position after his death. At 37, Alfred Tao had shown great wisdom and promise and had been an asset the last seven years, according to her grandmother.

Slowly the room fell silent, and Tao addressed the crowd, 

"Greetings, everyone! We gather today, as you all know, to acknowledge the hard work and accomplishments of our newest group of adults. All have successfully finished their studies in both lecture and physicals and are ready to take the next step."

Tao paused in his speech, appeared to be considering something and finally continued,"Rather than repeat what some of you have heard every six months for twenty years," a few chuckles were heard throughout the crowd. These speeches covered the same sentiments twice a year and it was extremely repetitive. Tao smiled and went on,

"I will end the speech early, and simply move on the the main event."

Thank goodness, it's my ceremony and even I don't want to hear that speech again.

Sitting down, Tao gestured to the leader in the middle seat, Nicholas Westerly. He got up slowly, like his muscles took longer to respond, taking a step forward he smiled. He was 75 last month with short white hair and a beard to match that just barely touched his chest. His smile was warm and grandfatherly as he looked about the crowd.

"My colleague has the right of it, no need to take up more of your time. Let us start!" Clapping his hands twice in quick succession, he looked to her group.

Without a list, he began calling names: "Claire Riley!" A brown haired girl with a heart shaped face, stepped onto the platform next to Westerly, "Congratulations, Ms. Riley!" He said shaking her hand.

The girl smiled brightly, and Amelia remembered her. She was from Section one while Amelia was Section two but they had had a few classes together.

Addressing the crowd, Westerly said, "Ms. Riley has shown interest and promise in many of the sciences. She has chosen to learn more in the Water Recycling Labs and the Nutritional Support Lab.  We expect she will do well in both areas." 

The girl whispered her thanks, shook hands with the leaders, Tao and Zeke Ikenna stood to congratulate her, and stepped off the platform to the crowd clapping. A few louder cheers could be heard as well, probably from family or friends. The girl moved past Amelia to the back of the group, her face a bit red from the attention.

Westerly clapped again and announced the name and everything was repeated. 

Fifteenth to be called, she moved forward at the sound of her name,

"Amelia Asher!"

Smiling to Westerly and then towards her grandmother, Amelia stood on the platform. 

Wow, that's a lot of people! And I thought I knew everyone. 

"Ms. Asher, our sincerest congratulations! You have always gone above what is expected of you and your hardwork has not gone unnoticed." Westerly smiled warmly, then spoke to the crowd, "Ms. Asher has chosen Library Restoration, and Outer Ship Maintenance. Based on her studies we know she will excel at either choice," he paused, a mischievous gleam in his eyes, "at least until she finishes her training and she gets bored..." Westerly looked sideways at her to gauge a reaction, the gleam still present. 

What? Am I that obvious? I have only told two people of how I feel. How there is often no challenge.

Her face was bright red, she could feel it hot on her cheeks.  Looking to her Geema, drew in a breath, clearing her head.

Geema! I'm so dense! She is friends with Westerly! She must have told him. And I guess if he is making a joke about it, they can't be angry with me. It not like I spend my time complaining to everyone I see. Just Geema and Mr. Green.

Hoping it hadn't been long enough a pause to be awkward, Amelia smiled at Westerly and then Tao and Ikenna, "I guess."

Out There5

Tomorrow! Tomorrow was her 20th birthday! 

The last two months had streamed by in a blur, only yesterday she had put in her picks for jobs, extremely last minute. Geema had explained to her friends among the council, who helped the leaders make decisions, and Amelia had been given extra time. As one of the top students for her group they understood she wasn't slacking.

Even with the extra time and speaking with the manager of each job, she still didn't feel strongly about any of them. In the end she picked two that seemed like they'd be fun at least for a while. She choose library and outer ship maintenance. Maintenance for the outside of the ship seemed interesting. She'd never been off the ship; except for her first eight months of life on earth that she didn't remember, she'd only ever been on this station. 

The maintenance crew was responsible for checking around the entire station each day and repairing anything in need. Apparently it was an easy job and seldom was there any big repairs. According to the current manager, in the last five year there had been only one repair outside of regular maintenance and that was just replacing a sensor wire, knocked loose as they passed a meteor storm. 

Geema had raised an eyebrow when Amelia had finally told her her job picks the night before. She knew why Amelia had picked the library but maintenance was a mystery.

Amelia smiled at her grandmother, acknowledging that it was out of character. She'd never shown much interest in maintenance inside or out of the station.

"I like the manager in maintenance." She told her honestly, "Other than seeing the outside of the station, it really came down to who I'd be working with. Mr. Wadnut was hilarious, I haven't laughed as hard as I did, in the half hour I spent with him, in months. He was comfortable to talk with more than the others. Who were very nice and knowledgeable but not entertaining the way he was."

Geema was nodding in understanding, "If you can't find the right job, you can at least have fun at whatever job you end up in."

In her room the night before her birthday and the ceremony that would accept her as an adult within the community, Amelia paced around her bed, restless. It was getting late, almost 1030pm, when she was usually in bed by 10. Her mind was running crazy, excited and nervous for the ceremony as well as starting her jobs.  But there was something more too. That she couldn't name, restless for something that she knew wouldn't be there tomorrow. 

What is it? Why am I feeling so weird, when I am so close to the chance to be a part of something. I want to belong, so why does it feel like I won't find that tomorrow or even here on this station.

Her pacing paused, feeling her thoughts had finally touched on her true feelings.

She wanted off the station? Something more than her life has been for the last nineteen years? 

Amelia couldn't complain about her life so far, she liked the station and most of the people on it. Except for the last few months she hadn't felt alone. 

So why am I not happier about tomorrow and my future?

Her pacing had resumed, slow and meandering, focused on her thoughts, she hadn't heard her door open. Her next turn brought her to face it, now filled with her grandmother instead of the door. Starting, her step faltered a moment as her brain switched focus.

"Amelia," she said her voice soft with understanding, her Geema wrapped her in a hug,"tell me all about it, darling, you'll feel better." 

Amelia folded into her arms, overwhelmed all of a sudden, comforted by the familiar warmth and smell, peppermint and garden dirt.

Pouring out her thoughts and confusion, Amelia felt immensely better, just having her grandmother know seemed to help.

"Why do I feel this way?" Amelia finally asked, lifting her head off Geema's shoulder, calm now.

"Oh, Darling, isn't it obvious?" At Amelia's confused look, she went on,"You are an earth baby. One of the last born on earth before we abandoned it. You grew up in space but I made sure to tell you everything I know about earth. Don't you remember falling asleep to my stories? Everyone of those stories was about earth, or your parents, all true to my knowledge." Geema paused, cleared her throat now thick with emotion.

"Tell me about them," Amelia asked, even knowing she had heard it before.

Her grandmother obliged,"Your mother, my only daughter, married your father very young. Keera was only 18 and Abel was 19. They met at one of the few remaining shelters not yet destroyed. Abel was alone, he had heard about the underground community and wanted to help. I always said live at first sight was real and your parents proved it. Across a crowded cafeteria full of bunkbeds, their eyes met. Keera told me later it had felt like time had frozen around them and her heart had raced." They both sighed, and then smiled at each other.

Amelia settled back onto her pillow, keeping Geema's hand in hers, "Keep going, please?"

"Of course, darling," she said, head tilted as if finding her place in the memory, "After that they were inseparable, which I didn't mind. Abel was very helpful and it was wonderful to see Keera so happy. It was only a few weeks before he asked me for her hand. There was a minister a few bunks over who was glad to help and they it was done. Husband and wife. You can't imagine two happier people, you could almost forget the apocalypse outside," chuckling a little, she squeezed Amelia's hand. "A couple momths later you made yourself known. Everyone in the shelter rejoiced. A new baby in a world losing hope, it was wonderful."

Amelia sat up, immersed in the story, "Nine months later, I came out, during a sandstorm, right?"

"Yes, a very bad storm that lasted almost a two weeks. I delivered you myself, a bright red, tiny thing. You popped out, completely silent. You didn't cry, just looked at me with those big green eyes."

Amelia smiled, then grew somber, "And that's when mom got sick."

Scooting to lean against the pillow beside her, Geema said, "Yes, your mother got sick but it wasn't you. The stress labor put on her, her body couldn't cope, and she insisted on breastfeeding you as mych as she could. She only lasted nineteen days after your birth. And she loved you every minute."

"And dad? He was a hero." Amelia's voice cracked on the last word.

"Yes, he was. When the underground community started actively collecting up survivors, your father left you with me and helped the first groups from the shelter to the facility. It must have been at least twenty groups, hundreds of people, that he helped survive the journey. People we see every day here on the station." Geema's voice was proud, proud of her son in law.

"But then he got hurt, trying to save those people." 

Geema, understanding how her granddaughter was feeling, said quietly, "Yes. He was transporting a group when that earthquake surprised them. The building they took refuge in was only a couple miles from the facility but unstable. Half of that group died when the roof collapsed. The reason..."

Geema paused, brought Amelia's chin around to look in her eyes, make sure she understood.

"The only reason, half survived was because of your father. Instead of saving himself, he cleared rumble and debris so those trapped could get out. And yes, because of all this he got hurt. The aftershock sent a piece of wood through his chest." Tears were in both their eyes, both overwhelmed.

"But..." Geema's voice strengthened, "But he lived long enough to see you. All he could say in his last moments was your name, over and over."

Tears were raining down Amelia's face, "And you promised him you'd always take care of me!" She wrapped her hands around the only family she'd ever known, squeezing tight.

Geema hugged her back, her chest full of love for her granddaughter.

"Can you see now, darling? Why you feel out of place here?"

Amelia shook her head, emotionally drained.

"You are meant for more."

Out There4

"Hello Geema," Amelia said as she sat next to her grandmother. 'Geema' was a nickname, a shortened form of grandma, from when Amelia was too young to say the whole title.

"Hello sweetie, how's your day so far?" Geema said smiling and giving her a hug.

"Alright, same as ever. I got a new book today though so it's better than some."

Her grandmother smiled. She was the one person Amelia could tell everything too and she tended to know much of her thoughts. They often joked about Geema's psychic powers. 

Geema understands, about books and everything else! Why can't Jace?

"Everything okay with you and Jace?" Geema asked noticing Amelia look a few tables down where Jace sat with his family.

Nodding, "Same as its been the last few months, we don't seem to agree or have anything in common anymore. It was easier when we were younger." 

Geema smiled knowingly, "it will get better, it always does. Be patient darling, you've only got a little while before your an adult. Just wait for all those responsibilities," She was teasing Amelia, since they both knew Amelia worked harder at her classes than anyone else in her group. Amelia couldn't wait to be considered an adult and hopefully feel a part of something.

Grateful for her grandmother and her cheerfulness, Amelia turned her focus on her dinner.

Later, As they walked back to their apartment, her grandmother's arm through her own, Geema said," Have you decided what jobs you want to try yet?"

Jobs were given at the age of twenty. Students graduated, and got a chance to  try a few different jobs offered on the station. Each person picked two to try and their teachers could recommend them for any jobs they showed aptitude. For instance aptitude in math or science may encourage a job with the engineers that kept the station running. Or aptitude in horticulture lecture could mean a job in the hydroponic labs growing food or in the kitchens to prepare food.

"Not yet, I have read through the options and what each requires but none stick out as 'the one!'," she said shrugging a little, "I hoped one would stand out for me."

I also fear being an outsider for the rest of my life. 

"It will, sweetie. That's why you get to try them out first. That will help." Geema was so optimistic.

And that's what I have to be too! No more doubts, be confident that good things will happen.

"Thanks, Geema."

Back in her room she packed the books she needed for tomorrow and collected the papers with the job information. Trying to be quiet, since her grandmother went to bed early, she climbed onto her bed, sighing at being able to relax.

She spread the sheets out on her green comforter, so she could see each one.

I don't think engineering is for me, my assessments in math are good but I definitely don't enjoy math or some of the science needed to be an engineer. 

Kitchens doesn't sound like fun, maybe cooking for a few people but cooking for hundreds at the same time seems tedious. Growing food seems like more fun, but I wouldn't get to pick only one, kitchens would be part of it.

Amelia shook her head, moving on to the next option.

Maintenance handled cleaning up and repairing anything broken, while I don't mind cleaning up, what if I don't have the skills to repair some of the more complicated technologies.

 Teaching required extra studies and waiting for a spot to open up. Teaching sounds like fun but most of my teachers are younger so I'd be waiting awhile. 

Again she shook her head, turned off by the possibility of waiting years to start a job.

Of course there was the library.  I love being there, I love books, would I still love them if I spent all my time staring at them, copying them over and over? It's the only one that I won't end up hating but I don't think it will make me happy either.

Amelia's sigh was loud in the room around her. 

Why was this so hard? Was everyone else having the same difficulties and doubts?

She knew Jace was all set, it had been a few years since he had decided food was for him. He loved all aspects and had even started cooking practice.

Letting out a big sigh, Amelia stacked the papers back together, the library one on the top. She would ask Geema in the morning for her opinion. 

She climbed back into bed, pulling the covers up around her shoulders. Within minutes she was asleep.

Out There3

Back in the apartment she shared with her grandmother, Amelia dropped her book bag on the couch and shook off her mood. Focusing on not fitting in wasn't important and didn't bother her most days. Lately she had felt plateaued with her training and though each student only had to show understanding of the skills, she wished for more. 

Mr. Green and her other physical teachers were experts in their art, they couldn't teach individually, and the rest of the class wasn't as motivated.

Two months, just two more and I will complete training. After training I can spar and learn from anyone. Be patient just a bit longer.

The clock showed she had a half hour left of free time then lunch started in the cafeteria. Small snacks were allowed in apartments for between meals but all main meal consumption was required in the cafeteria. Since she completed her assignments between classes or after school before dinner, she had nothing that needed her attention. So she grabbed one of the now rare novels brought from earth. There was a library near the cafeteria that housed all surviving books; everyone was encouraged to read in there spare time but she knew she was one of the few in her age group. Survivors had been asked to donate all books when they first arrived at the station. And the underground scientists had stockpiled books on all subjects. One career she could choose in two months would involve copying the books to protect the knowledge they hold.

Almost finished with the book, Amelia decided to head down to the library so she could get a new one and then grab lunch next door.

Walking down the long corridor to the stairs all she saw was the dull gray walls and floor. 

Gray, gray, gray! Walls, floor, clothes. So stark and the same! Everyday is the same!

"Amelia, amelia, so glad to see ya!- hmm that sounded better in my head." A tall boy with brown spiky hair, ran up and drapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Hey Jace, how's things?" She asked shrugging off his arm. Jace, a nickname for his initials J.C., was her best friend. They were the same age, 19, and had grown up a few doors down from each other. The only problem was that Jace had developed at crush on her over the last few years, that she didn't reciprocate. 

"Wonderful, now that I've found you!" He said grinning widely.

She smiled, "I'm headed to the library, want to come?"

"Then lunch?" He asked hopefully, always hungry. She nodded and they continued on.

Forty minutes later Amelia had finished the book, an earth history on prominent treaties and gotten another, a novel about a boy who gets stranded and must survive alone in the wild. 

"The book can wait, eat while its hot," Jace said nudging her to her plate in front of her. Her fingers twitched to start reading but grabbed her fork instead. 

Lunch consisted of salad with a big focus on beans for protein. Meat was extremely rare since few cows or chickens had been rescued and breeding took time. 

Amelia actually preferred the fruits and vegetables than the occasional pieces of meat they got on special occasions.

"What lectures do you have this afternoon?" Jace said through a mouthful of lettuce.

"Math, history and english, today. You?"

He grinned, "Me too!"

Of course. Trying to smile instead of grimace. He's my best friend but I wish he would back off. I have told him my feelings, that he's like a brother. No romance at all. But he only tries harder. It makes it hard to be friends. I have to watch everything I say in fear or encouraging him.

In math, Jace sat beside her, and she reviewed her finished assignment to discourage talking. The hour and a half went quickly and then she was in history.

She liked history, all about earth and how to prevent things from happening again. When they were younger lectures had focus on better conserving a planet, not using resources in excess and recycling as much as possible. Lectures now focused on wars and other major problems, what led to these disasters and ways to prevent it in the future. The leaders hoped that if we found a hospitable planet, we would not make the same mistakes.

English was her favorite lecture, most of the time they read books. Today the teacher had them reading outloud from a novel about slavery, a concept that Amelia found disturbing. But it helped her to see how people had lived in America during the time of slavery, which is was nice because some subjects had little information or unclear pictures. She enjoyed it when the was a novel to add to the history lessons.

The lecture was coming to an end, Amelia saw that they'd probably wouldn't be able to finish the chapter and read ahead. Tuning out the student currently reading, a girl named Naomi.

"Amelia!" 

She jumped, Jace was standing next to her, saying her name in a way that said it wasn't the first time. Realizing everyone else was streaming out the door, Amelia shoved her books into her bag and followed Jace.

"The book's not that good," Jace said as they followed the crowd down the stairs to dinner.

Not that good, ugh! It's a book! They are all wonderful in their own way. Why couldn't he understand?

She gave him a hurt look to show her opinion on the matter and he looked away sheepishly.

He should know how I feel by now. Does he really expect me to change my feelings when he scoffs at what I love?

"Sorry" he muttered and they walked the rest of the way in silence.

Out There2

"Umph"

Ugh! Not again. Can't someone last more than a few seconds.

The air whoshed out of the boy opposite her, leaving him gasping. She had held back too, tried not to defeat him so quickly. 

Not my fault if he left his stomach open, come on, who fights with their hands by their sides!

"Winner, Ms. Amelia!" Her coach shouted to the rest of the class. Though those that were actually paying any attention probably could guess it, what with the boy still laying on the ground.

"Good job, that was very efficient!" Her coach said grinning. Walter Green was one of the better coaches, happy to explain concepts and moves until a student really understood. He was around thirty with blonde hair down to his shoulders. Always kept loose, he often looked a bit wild, but was a genuinely nice guy and a good teacher. He had been her instructor for almost ten years.

"Thanks." She said with a small smile, " I was trying to take it easy on him but..." She trailed off shrugging.

Green laughed, "No need! I've told you before that you only lessen their training as well as yours by going easy. They will learn. You just happen to excel at Kung Fu."

She shrugged again, they had had this conversation before. Her coach was one of the few people she had talked to about how she felt like an outsider amongher classmates. Amelia related more to those a few years older and many of her grandmother's friends. Not even one of her classmates could be considered her friend and her group included ages 18-19 for the whole station. Of those ages, students were rotated into different groups each week. This was in hopes that each student would meet and connect with as many other students as possible. It made joining more successful.

Amelia took her seat on the end of the bench that sat along the wall opposite the door. 

Two other students met in the middle of the rectangular room and began to spar.

Green mostly taught them Kung Fu, an ancient martial art, that he had learned from his father and grandfather. Kung Fu was her favorite but she couldn't stand to watch her classmates butcher it. 

Ten more minutes. Then it will be just me, no holding back.

One of the students was down, tripped over his own feet. Sighing, she wished there was someone who could match her skill. Sparring would be a lot more fun if she had a real opponent and she'd actually improve instead of standing still.

Smiling,

I never would have thought I'd be complaining about this. When I first sat in these classes I thought I be stuck in back, head down. Just suffer through it. Now I can't imagine my day without this. 

Every morning she woke up before breakfast to run the perimeter of the station that was her home. Twelve miles in all. After breakfast she practiced any combinations or moves she had been learning that week in the martial arts classes. At any time there was three or four classes, called physicals, in martial arts and self defense. Her favorite was Kung Fu but she also practiced Karate, which involves precision striking with hands and feet, Judo, which involves wrestling and trying to take down an opponent, and weapons. Weapons class was another surprise to her, not expecting to like it. The class was held twice a week, once for kung fu weapons then for karate weapons. They were instructed on how to adapt weapons into what they learned in the other classes and how to adapt in situations when they may not have a weapon.

The soft ring of the bell above the door had her looking up. The clock showed 11am signaling the end of class and her free hour. Each student had a free hour at some point during the day, where they were encouraged to finish assignments for lecture classes or practice physicals.

Students streamed out the door, pushing in their haste. Many thought physicals to be tedious and pointless. The leaders reasons seemed logical to Amelia but everyone was entitled to opinion. At ten years old, students, having spent six years in lectures, were then thrust into physicals. They reason for this, they were told, was to prepare each member of society for all possibilities. If we were to land on a planet that contained hostile life, we must be able to protect and defend ourselves and those around us. 

Makes sense to me

Shaking her head at her fellow students, she moved to pick up the mats that covered the floor. 

"Thank you, Ms Amelia," Mr. Green said as he grabbed the other of of the five by five foot mat, "You did good today."

"Thanks, Mr. Green. Wasn't much of a match though." She said a little pointedly.

He laughed, "I know, I know. But you know that Robert is second in that class. Your first place is just mountains above him," laughing again.

Smiling at the compliment, she asked, "Do you have time today to..." She trailed off in response to his face. He knew she was asking to spar with him, though he was years ahead of her and always beat her, it was way better than her classmates, "Nevermind," she said quickly knowing his response, "I've got assignments to do anyways. See you Friday!" She called as she headed for the door, trying to escape her embarrassment.

I know better than to ask. Ugh, why do I forget? Even if he didn't have another class, it's against the rules to give private lessons.  Completely understandable but still I wish...

Out There1

The earth was dying. Slowly becoming uninhabitable. There had been warnings, great screaming warnings that too many ignored. For almost a thousand years the climate and weather had been increasing in intensity. Great storms that grew to cover entire country at once. Earthquakes that could level entire continents. And tsunamis that took out anything that managed to survive. Extreme temperatures in either direction made only select areas tolerable. Those that survived the extreme conditions were forced to struggle to find food and shelter. From six billion people, a small fraction survived initially though many later perished from hunger. All crops had been destroyed, and temperatures made it difficult to grow any more. As with the humans, most animals and livestock had perished. The surviving humans ate what plants and animals that had survived and then were left with nothing. Left to scavenge through the devastation for stray cans and the like that may have remained intact.

But there was hope. One group had heeded the warnings the earth had displayed early in the 21st century. Enough to make a difference. Though they had no knowledge of the extent of the damage, they worked continuously to find a solution over hundreds of years; to save the earth and the last remaining humans.

Experts in space exploration were sent to find a hospital planet. They ranged in all directions, they searched, most never to return. 

In the likely possibility that no planet was found, engineers worked deep underground to create a space station, so at least some humans could be saved. A self sustaining station was as difficult a task as finding a planet with life. Generations of engineers worked to create this. They struggled to balance size, to try accommodate as many humans as possible made it impossible to actually get it up into space. Many smaller stations were created that could be launched but would not hold enough people or supplies to survive long.

It wasn't until the year 2970, after 800 years of research and trial, that a brilliant engineer by the name of Rupert Spear discovered a design that would have that balance. Technically four stations joined into one after launching, each launched separately in two pieces, eight in total, and all joined together to create one station. Cyclindrically shaped with smaller cyclinders connecting perpendicularly. Each would be self sustaining. Spear allowed for the many smaller stations to attach to the top and bottom of the main cyclinders; many would act as transport from the earth once all was completed. 

For thirty years they worked continuously to completed the station pieces and launch them. The day the last piece was launched, they recieved transmission from one of the probes. It had taken the probe 19 years, but it had found a small galaxy that had similar atmospheric conditions as that of earth and contained life!

Renewed hope spread through the underground facility and they began to gather the remaining survivors for the first  launches into space. Survivors came from all over the world, straggling into the facility, hardly believing that what they'd been told was true. They would be saved; they would go into space to a new planet.

It took four years to gather survivors onto the station as well as supplies and technology. In the year 3004 the last people left the devastated earth, never to return, with hopes of a new life and a better future.

Remember11

Everyone had only just gotten into position when another contraction hit her harder than the others, the doctor told her to push and faster than she could believe the pressure stopped. A few seconds later she heard a full lunged cry of protest.

"A boy, it's a boy," said Dr. Raine holding the mewling, red face infant up for her to see. Charlie cut the cord and followed the nurse to get him cleaned up.

"It feels weird again," Emily said breathing hard, "that pressure again, is it the after part?"

Dr. Raine smiled wide, "I forgot you didn't know. Charlie did you know?"

Charlie looked over, frowning, "Neither of us knew if it was a boy or girl."

"Well Emily get ready to push on the next one, you are having twins."

"What-," Emily was cut off by the next contraction and pushed, forgetting to breath.

A second cry filled the room moments later, "A girl." The doctor said smiling and relieved by how easy this labor was. This couple deserved a break.

Tears in her eyes, Emily took her baby girl from the waiting nurse, clean and wrapped in a pink blanket. Charlie came to sit in the edge of her bed holding a similar bundle. She was awed, one of each was perfect. A most amazing surprise.

A hour later she was tucked in bed back in her room, a baby tucked in each arm. Charlie had left a few minutes before to call his parents and hers and she found herself falling asleep.

She was driving, there was kids songs playing low on the stereo, there was singing coming from the backseat. She smiled, loving this simple happy moment. Then there was a truck, it was hoing to fast, it looked like it was coming straight at her, turn the wheel she thought. She was slammed, hard and then again. Her vision was fuzzy, lights flashing as she tried to clear her head. A hand to her head showed blood. Boys! She turned around quickly, worried, found them seemingly unharmed. She was relieved, they were crying, scared, she pushed her seat back and squeezed her belly into the back seat. Hugging them both tightly, calming them and her. She tried all the doors, trying not to panic, then saw people coming towards them. Then the hatch was opened and the boys were out. Breathing in relief she felt the ground shake and a rumbling she couldn't understand. Her last thought was to protect Baby then blackness.

Breathless she woke from her very real dream that she was convinced was her memory of the crash. Eyes closed her breathing calmed and she thought about the flash the night before, Charlie and her standing close, her in a wedding dress.  It was a few seconds before she realized that that memory didn't stop. She could remember her wedding! Not just pictures but she could recall all of it! She was amazed and estatic. She had her memories, childhood, her life with Charlie, getting pregnant, everything was there, just as it should be! She opened her eyes and found both babies with eyes open wide, staring at her.

She smiled overjoyed and overwhelmed by the emitions she felt.

Charlie came in quietly, "There's the three most important people in my life!" He kissed her gently as he sat next to her, then greeted the two bundles, "Hello, little Amelia, beautiful girl. Hey there, Jack, how's my little man?" He kissed them both and smiled at her, "And how are you, my love?"

"Never been better, " she said grinning, she leaned into him, turning to whisper in his ear, "I remember."

Remember10

She woke again early that same morning to a sharp pain in her stomach, it came and went quickly. Breathing in, trying to stay calm, she focused just staring at her belly and breathing. When no other pain came she slowly got out of bed and steadied herself on the bed while her legs woke up. She took a step and then froze when another pain hit her, feeling wetness spread down her legs and nightgown. Her water broke, Baby's coming! Smiling she reached behind and pressed the nurses button. Half a minute later her favorite nurse, Tara, was coming through the door. Tara stared for a few seconds then burst into activity, pushing the call button again, taking my arm to move into the bathroom and sending directions out to the responding nurses. In less than five minutes she was in a new gown, the floor clean and both her doctor and Charlie were on there way.

"Emily!" Charlie burst through the door almost colliding with a nurse on the way out.

"Charlie I'm fine, just Baby wanting out." She said laughing and returning his hug.

"The doctor should be here soon, My contractions are about ten minutes apart still but I'm already moving faster than expected."

"It will be okay, Dr. Raine is highly recommended and Dr. White promised to be there in case of any complications." Charlie said squeezing her hand.

She squeezed back then again harder as her muscles contracted.

When it stopped she sighed then picked up the knitting she had dropped when Charlie had come in. Charlie had brought her her knitting supplies and some of the things she had finished before the accident: baby hats, socks, and blankets. She was happy to find she remembered how to knit, glad to have not lost that skill. She was currently finishing a swaddling blanket, it was white with flecks of green throughout.

"Looks like your almost done," Charlie said touching the soft blanket.

"Yes, only a couple rows left, I hope to finish before Baby comes out, I thought I had more time," she said laughing.

The door opened and both her doctors walked in. 

"Hello Emily, Charlie. How are we this morning?" Asked Dr. Raine.

"Alright, hurts a little when it contracts but its pretty quick so I'm not complaining," she said with a shrug.

Dr. Raine smiled, "Alright, let's take a look and see how far along you are."

Charlie and Dr. White moved to stand at the window and Dr. Raine lifted the sheet covered her lower body.

"You are moving fast! It may be only a few minutes before you have to start pushing,"

"Really? Wow, I thought I'd be doing this for hours!" She smiled that turned into a grimace, when it contracted again.

"That was about three and a half minutes," said Tara, while updating her chart.

"Alright, well let's get you moved down to the operating room, we aren't expecting any trouble but with your medical history it's better to be cautious. Okay?" Dr. Raine asked with a look to Emily then Charlie, judging their reactions.

"Alright," they said at the same time.

The doctors both smiled, "We'll see you down there," Dr. White said and held the door for Dr. Raine to preced him.

Another nurse walked in and she and Tara unhooked the wires from her bed and pushed her out the door. Charlie followed close behind.

Remember9

It was two weeks before her due date. She had been awake three weeks exactly and she was still in the hospital. With her date so close, doctors had recommended her to continue her stay until after the baby arrived so they could monitor right away once she went into labor. Twice a day she did physical therapy, once in the morning, with a trainer named Sarah and again in the evening with Charlie. Sarah always seemed excited by her progress, she could walk without help balancing now but her legs still felt very weak after so long stationary in bed. Sarah helped her to strengthen her back and legs but it felt slow going. She wanted very much to see her home in person not just in photos. In the evening Charlie took her arm and they walked in circles around the maternity ward, where they had moved her the week before.

"The sunset is beautiful tonight" she said as they sat on their favorite bench that faced a massive window. 

"Your beautiful, the sunset is so-so," Charlie said with a big smile.

She blushed, very pleased, she felt like a teenager in love. Infatuated and overwhelmed by the love she felt for this man beside her. She knew now they had been together twelve years, and married for five but it felt new and exciting to her. She was happy and much of the time she could on things other than her lack of memories.

He put his arm around her and she put her head on his shoulder, sighing.

"Getting tired?" He asked, always concerned she'd over do it.

"No not all. I'm simply sighing in contentment. It is so nice sitting here with you. I love spending time with you." She said a little shy despite knowing he was her husband.

"I love it too, and soon we can go home, with a new addition even!" He caressed her stomach, smiling and speaking to Baby."You almost ready to come meet your mommy and daddy, little love? We can't wait!"

She placed her hands over his and then felt a kick in response, "Feels like a yes to me," she laughed.

They walked back to her room and he helped her roll into bed. 

Since moving to the maternity ward, Charlie had taken to sleeping at home. Though there was a cot in her room, he found the cats to be missing them both. So though she'd rather he stayed, she knew that if she had her memories she'd be the one urging him to spend more time with them. 

"Goodnight, sweetheart." He said kissing her forehead.

"Goodnight...I love you." She said for the first time since the accident.

He wrapped her in a hug and she held on tightly, "I love you! Oh baby, I love you so much! You can't imagine how happy I am your okay, thank you for coming back to me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I am glad too, I only wish for my memories but I hope that we can get back what we had before even still."

"Better, we will. I love you," he said fervently.

She smiled, "I love you, Charlie."

After Charlie left, she found herself wide awake. She reached for a photo album from the pile she kept on the side table.

This one was white with a satin cover. Their wedding album was her favorite of all Charlie had brought her. In the inside cover was a note she had written: 'Dearest Charlie, for this, our three year wedding anniversary and our ten year anniversary of being together, I wish for our continued happiness, that we always take comfort in being together, best friends side by side through all the bad and the good. I love you and appreciate all that you do. Thank you for always loving me as I love you, with all my heart for all our years to come.'

She must have read this a hundred times in the last few weeks, hoping she could be that girl she used to be.

She woke abruptly, the album still in her lap and the light on. Confused for a few moments but realized she'd fell asleep. She saw the clock said 2am, weird since she'd been sleeping through the night. A flash of something crossed her mind, like a word on the tip of the tongue that you just can't recall. She focused on her breathing, waiting. Another flash a bit longer showed her in a wedding dress. charlie was there holding her close, both smiling. Then it was gone. She wondered where that had come from, it looked like a darker back room. Not a photo she'd seen since those were bright, full of sunshine. Could that be a memory?

Remember8

Her first week awake after a three month long coma-like state was filled with scans and tests. Her scans showed that all the damage from the crash had been healed.  She answered hundreds of questions through a series of tests to determine how well each part of her brain was functioning. She passed them all except for her personal memory. They brought in pictures of her family members but she felt no recognition with any of them. After the tests the doctors told her not to stress, time was usually what it took for people to recall lost memories. But she did stress and worry. She still felt lost. Blank, someone had wiped her clean to start over. She didn't want to start over. The only thing keeping her from being overwhelmed was Charlie. Since waking up Charlie barely left her side, they talked for hours and hours everyday. Her asking questions and him giving detailed descriptions of the life they had made together.

One day ten days after waking up, Charlie came back, from a quick visit to the house, with a heavy box. 

"What's all this" she said laughing as he finagled the box onto the bed within her reach.

"Memories," he said with a smile, "these are almost all our pictures. Most of them you have made into scrapbooks, I think that's where we should start, but there is also hundreds of other pictures. I realized more visuals might be good and the scrapbooks are our favorite memories, favorite pictures. So what do you think?"

"This is amazing, so perfect. Even if I don't remember, I can use these to try and create new memories in my head. The next best thing!" Smiled at him, already falling for him again, wanting the years she had lost back.

"Where do you want to start?" He asked, "the beginning?" At her nod, he grabbed an album out of the box. 

The book was green with twisting vines and leafs scrawled across. It had the words 'Our First Years' across the top and a slightly blurry picture of the two of them kissing. She touched the picture and looked at him questioning.

He smiled, "That is our first kiss. A friend of yours had been taking pictures of the baseball game we had all went to and snapped it as it happened. You always said it looked magical with the big lights putting us in contrast. The perfect timing of it. Even if the picture wasn't perfect, you said it was a favorite."

"Yes, I can see why. Magical." She couldn't stop looking at it, trying to picture the thoughts and feelings she must have felt. She opened the book. Each page had a few pictures, not crowded, so you could really see each one. And each page had captions, sometimes dates or locations, sometimes a brief saying or inside joke. 

The first few pages showed them at the beach, on bike rides, taking road trips. One page was dedicated to the day he told her he loved her through a hand written note. The words slightly shaky, nervous. And a picture of the heart shaped necklace he gave her.

Further pages showed their first apartment, where they lived through college, some of the holidays they had there and the two cats they had adopted.

The last page was dedicated to when they got engaged, the pictures showed a hike up a mountain in the snow and a frozen waterfall. There was even a picture of the ring, simple but amazing. At the bottom of the page was written, 'seven years together, ready for a lifetime more'.

 She shut the book, noticing that there were tears on her face. She looked at him and he climbed onto the bed beside her, wrapping her in a hug. He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Emily, everyday from our first to our last. You are my everything. We can make this work, whether you remember or not, I love you and nothing will ever change that."

Remember7

"Well when you first came, you were in that almost a coma state, after the brain surgery we waited for you to wake up. When you showed no improvement we had to give Charlie some options," Dr. White said with a nod to Charlie.

"Your husband, had some tough decisions to make," that one word stopped her, she stopped listening and just stared at Charlie, her husband! She was estatic, this was why she felt so comfortable with him. It made complete sense and she wished she had just asked from the beginning.

The doctor went quiet when he noticed her inattention and Charlie couldn't help grinning in response to her smile.

Charlie explained to the doctor, "Emily doesn't remember anything, she didn't know my name or hers. And you just told her I am her husband. I admit I was afraid to tell her myself in case she was disappointed but I am quite enjoying her reaction," he spoke all this, never looking away. Eyes only for her, overjoyed at her pleased expression. 

"I am glad you are both happy, but I have to ask: you remember nothing? What is the last memory you have?" The doctor's expression was slightly concerned.

"I know what objects and things are, I don't think I have any memories at all. No childhood, no Charlie or being pregnant. Nothing personally relevant," she was frowning now, brought back to reality and the seriousness of her situation.

"Hm, well this is interesting. Total memory loss is not common. In cases like this it is more normal to lose the memories around the accident, not your entire life. It may be that time is all it takes, just a temporary loss and you will get memories back slowly. But I must also warn you that it's possible it may be permanent." His face was grave, trying not to scare her while not adding false hope.

"I understand. I am trying not to concentrate on it, just hearing what happened is helping. Gives me something to focus on." she shrugged not sure how to explain.

"Good, anything that makes it easier is good," the doctor said in encouragement.

Charlie picked up the story, "So once your body had stabilized from the first surgery, they ran more scans and saw that the swelling in your spine where the boulder had pushed was still there."

"Yes, I called in someone I know that specializes in spinal injuries, Dr. Mark Sing. He studied your scans and thought there was a good chance he could repair the damage and let you keep the use of your legs. Charlie thought about it and gave us the okay."

"It wasn't easy," Charlie said, grimacing at the memory.

"No, not easy, not when your babies life was at risk. Another high risk surgery only a few days after the first and the accident, there was no guarantee of the results. You showed no signs of waking up and it was too early to try and remove the baby. Three months before you were due was too risky. So the lesser risk was try to repair the damage so you would have a chance to be whole if you woke up or if it went the other way, to let the baby grow and develop as much as possible," The doctor grew quiet and let this information sink in.

After a few minutes, Charlie gave her hand a squeeze, "Emily?"

She looked up at him then at the doctor, "If I didnt wake up, my body would act like an incubator, until Baby was ready?"

"Yes, just like that. It was the best possible solution at the time."

"So after both surgeries, when I didn't wake up, everyone thought that I never would? The longer I was out the less likely?"

Dr. White nodded, "That is exactly what happened, which is why everyone was so surprised to find you awake. After two months of no change, it was a wonderful surprise...though I believe Charlie, here, never gave up," she looked to Charlie as the doctor continued, "He always spoke to you or about you in the present. He made a few nurses transfer when they didn't express the same hope. Your husband can get a bit intense when he is trying to protect you," They were all smiling now.

"Thanks," she said squeezing his hand, "I promise to do everything I can to remember how wonderful you were before as well as now."

Remember6

"Everyone barely had time to grab the boys and pull away. Police and abulance started arriving but no could get a response from you. By the time the emergency rescue truck got there, they had realized what Sam had been saying. They found my name and Mel, the boys' mom, in your phone. The boys were sent to the hospital to get checked out and Mel met them there. I was closer to the crash so I got there as they were cutting through your door, having already towed away the truck. They held me back, I was  insistent on seeing you, so once they saw your pulse was steady they let me hold your hand a few minutes while they got jacks ready to raise the car roof. You were wedged in the middle, your belly tucked under you. Baby first," he smiled then, maybe remembering something she no longer could.

"You came free pretty easily after they put the jacks up, they were worried about your spine and straped you to the gurney right away. Bob, a friend from work, had been with me when I first got the call  and had driven me. So when they put you in the ambulance I got in too. There was no way I'd leave your side no matter what they said."

They both smiled.

"Sorry to interrupt, I wanted to let you finish your story," said the man in the door way. She had jumped when he first spoke, having not noticed when he had come in. Charlie squeezed her fingers in reassurance and she relaxed.

"That's alright, Doctor White, it was getting to the end." Charlie turned to me, "This is your doctor, Doctor White, he was here when you were first brought in."

"Nice to see you again, Charlie. And you, your awake! How wonderful!"

"That's what everyone keeps telling me, it'd be nice to know how I came to be alseep for so long, 68 days was it?"

Dr. White replied, "Yes, of course, you must have a hundred questions. I have scheduled a couple tests, scan of you head and back to start then go from there. We have a little time before your due down so what can I tell you?"

Relieved to get more answers she asked, "After the ambulance, I came here and then what?"

"You were in a state that was almost a coma but not quite. This usually occurs in a high stress situation, your body shuts down to try and protect itself. The boulder had put pressure on your spine and you had a large contusion on your head. So we did full body scans and found swelling in your brain and your spine. We hoped that both would go down in time but that didn't seem to be the case. The brain swelling was the most dangerous so I drilled a small hole in your skull and the result was immediately noticeable in your test results," the doctor paused to see how she was doing.

She reached up to feel her skull, she found a patch of hair much shorter than the rest on the right side of her head, "You drilled into my head?! Oh my, this is so weird," She couldn't stop touching her almost bald spot.

Charlie took her exploring hand, now holding both her hands, resting them on the swell of her stomach. She felt a quick pressure of the baby kicking and was awed.

"The baby...it kicked!" She was amazed, she knew she was pregnant by looking at the giant belly but now she felt pregnant. There was a little person inside her!

Charlie was smiling as widely as she was, "Baby likes to kick in the morning. I try to sit and talk every morning."

That made her smile, "This is so cool, I can feel he or she moving around. Do we know, is it a boy or girl?" She asked, then realized she was now saying 'we'. Charlie, was he her husband, boyfriend, what?

"We decided when you first found out you were pregnant to let it be a surprise. We call he or she 'Baby' for now. Baby has a green room at home, decorated with owls," he said smiling.

She turned to the doctor, "So you drilled my head, but Baby was fine, nothing from the crash went wrong?"

"All tests were perfect, nothing had changed to much from the tests taken the week before the crash. We watched closely throughout both surgeries. And Baby has been closely monitored everyday while you slept."

"So if the drilling worked, why was I in a coma for two months?"

Remember5

"After you were hit, the people in the cars behind you got out to help, calling 911, checking the driver and trying to get to you. Your car was between a rock cliff and the truck, all the doors were pinned. I spoke to a woman who helped and she told me everything she saw before the police got there. You somehow managed to unbuckle yourself and get into the back seat, the boys were completely fine, scared and crying but not even a scratch.  You told this to the woman through the glass and she said you were bleeding from a gash on your head," she squeezed his hand as a reminder she was okay now and he gave a small smile in response.

"Someone found a crowbar and they managed to open the back hatch. Everything seemed hopeful, it'd be easy to get the three of you out the back, right? Nope, that when the earthquake started." It took a few seconds for her to process what he said and when she did, her eyebrows rose, skeptical.

"Yes, everyone was surprised, how many earthquakes does New England really get, and how many of those actually cause any damage? But it's true, I felt it at work and it caused you to be here."

Confused again, she said "Go on, they opened the hatch and the earth rumbled, what then?"

"Remember that rock cliff? Well there were a few loose boulders the shook free and fell down. Everyone scattered to avoid them but you couldn't. One landed and crushed the hatch, leaving only a couple feet to squeeze through and another right above you." Another breath, another squeeze.

"You had the presence of mind to get low and cover the boys when the shaking first started so when it stopped the people saw you huddled over the two boys. You had squished them between the two carseats. You saved them."

"I don't remember them" she said sadly but urged him to continue.

"They tried to figure the best way to get the boys out, afraid the rock could shift. The ended up bracing the bottom of the hatch with some metal bars. Another call to the police told them it'd be twenty minutes before help arrived so everyone agree to try. Mikey went first, he just turned five and you were able to get him over the seat and they pulled him out. I think you had alreafy realized to wouldn't fit so you gave Sam, he is three, your phone and told him: 'Call Charlie, Call Mel'. They said he just kept repeating it. It was good that you had because it was only seconds after Sam was out that  another boulder fell. Directly over where you were.